What would I do if I wasn't afraid?

I'm always amazed by the stories in the Bible where God talks directly to people.  How cool would it be to have a Divine directive given to you straight from the mouth of God?  Usually, it seems much more subtle than that in my life, and I constantly question whether I'm really hearing God's voice or just the voices in my head (OK, I'm an artist and a teacher- the voices are there!!! lol).  Dear hubby and I tend to be cautious sorts, so we are both frequently inclined to disregard said voices in our heads.  Sometimes, that's probably a good thing!

Maybe subtle is not always effective, and I think God has decided that this week.  DH and I attended Dave Ramsey's FPU training, and have for ages chuckled over his question: "Did you ever have so many kids you got a dumb one?"  We laugh, because educated and intelligent though we may think we are, we also can humor ourselves enough to believe this has got to be what God thinks of us some days.  We can be obtuse. (And self-centered, and too busy to listen to Him, and several other negative qualities I won't bore you with!)

Two months ago, I stumbled upon a picture of a little boy... the little boy above (we'll call him Michael for privacy's sake).  Michael is 7 years old.  He was born in China with a cleft palate and lip, which have had at least basic surgery.  The American agency who is advocating for him was actually able to go and visit him.  They describe him as energetic and talkative.  He wants to fly in a plane to America, and have a mom and dad, siblings and a dog of his own someday.  I have to admit to having broken down sobbing when I saw his picture.  And his wanting a dog of his own?  A giant hook in my heart!  We have a houseful of rescued dogs who would just adore having another kid to love on them- as I write they and my 12 year old daughter ('born" to us 2 1/2 years ago from the foster system) are currently busy wrecking my house!  The more the merrier.  This boy shines.  He has haunted my dreams and many waking moments for weeks.

So what's the issue?  God has clearly shown me an orphan that needs cared for, and our family totally has the desire to offer him a home with us.  The issue is one that feels insurmountable... the likely total of $30,000 that will have to be paid to make this dream come true.  The monetary requirements of day-to-day child-rearing are within our grasp... my husband and I have both been blessed with jobs that meet the daily needs of our family.  However, we've never had a spare $30K laying around.  That's a teacher's salary for a year!  Oh... wait... I am a teacher!  And we do have the issue of the need for another bedroom prior to a home study.  Although our currently 2 bedroom home has a generous attic that would easily become a bedroom, DH continues to inform me that we seem to be missing the time, cash, and manpower to install studs and drywall.  He's also presented me the reminder that he feels our daughter and I already exceed the capacity of our single bathroom! And, we don't have passports, and this litany extends...

This week, I've actually started hearing God asking me a question... What would you do if you weren't afraid?  He pounded home the brevity of our lives and how much we humans cannot number our own days.  I teach in a small district featuring only 2 art teachers total:  me at the elementary level, and a colleague and friend who teaches grades 8-12.  Earlier in the week, this relatively young woman (nearly 46) sat down (to nap?) while waiting for a meatloaf to cook for dinner and never woke up.  Wow.  Enough of a shock to remind an occasionally stupid child of God about the verse in Luke where Jesus asks, "Who of you by worrying can add a single moment to your life?"  The following morning, when I got in my car the message came at me again.  Whenever I turn the ignition, the radio usually offers me the middle of a DJ conversation or song, never the beginning.  And I've never heard the station use this particular voice-over before, but when the radio came on, it powerfully declared, "REMINDER:  FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO HAVE FORGOTTEN, GOD IS STILL IN CONTROL!"  Well, when you put it that way...  I also have to change stations in mid-drive on my way to work.  When I switched,  the KLOVE station DJ immediately asked "What would you do if you weren't afraid?"  She then followed up her question with stories about people who weren't afraid to die but were definitely afraid to Live.

As though to drive the point home, that evening I opened my email to an Amazon ad encouraging me to check out the book One Red Paperclip.  Odd that they would select this for a self-proclaimed reader of classic novels, mystery/ thrillers, and dog books; and I was intrigued enough to check it out (look, marketing worked on me!).  It turns out to be a book by a young, hip, and very unemployed guy who decides to change his life by trying to trade his way up from the red paperclip holding his resume together to a house for him and his girlfriend.  Darned if he didn't succeed, and manage to sell a book about it in the process.  In skimming the online preview, his adventure was started by a question his father asked him... you guessed it-  "What would you do if you weren't afraid?"  OK, God, not even I am that obtuse.

So here I stand.  My "journey of a thousand miles" begins with a jump off a cliff!  I am a normally reserved person.  I flunked every fundraiser in school, and I've always been nervous about sharing my thoughts in front of people.  Welcome to my public blog, where I'm going to share my thoughts about (hopefully) our future adoption and beg total strangers to help us ransom the life of a child.  A blog I stumbled upon has that very apt description for the high costs of adoption, which I really resent.  Kate Parker asks, "how much would you be willing to pay for the life of a child?"  When put that way, it puts things into perspective.  She puts into words many things I have felt but couldn't speak.  I can't quote her as eloquently as she wrote it herself, so I will encourage you to check out her post:

Room for More- "You Wanted To" about fundraising and adoption

What would I do?  I would offer this little boy a family:  a mom, a dad, a sister, and 4 big goofy dogs of his own.  You wanna help?  (BTW, I'm still afraid.  I guess I'll have to remember that Peter freaked out in the middle of walking on water.  I'm nowhere near an Apostle Peter.)