My hubby and I started into our adoption journey about 6 years ago. We had always thought we would adopt, but we got serious then. My heart broke looking at pictures and profiles of kids online (I'll write a post about that another time). Starting the 2006 school year, it seemed like a way to circumvent all the waiting and choosing of children offered itself. A cute little 7th grade girl I'll call "Sherry" moved into the district. I discovered she was in foster care. It seemed like a perfect solution... we would just adopt my student.
Sometimes I have trouble distinguishing between doors being closed and obstacles that I should push through. In hindsight, it seems that I was encountering closed doors. I checked Sherry's files and contacted the agency that was currently handling her. They were really horrible to me when I stopped in... yelled at me about how her current foster placement was just fine, when my inquiries were about how to adopt her (they have since been closed, and I am trying not to be too happy about that- they didn't seem like children's best interests were the heart of their business). Sherry did give me the name of her county social worker and I contacted her. The SW detailed how the birth family had fought the adoption of one brother and how the rest of the older daughters had resisted adoption, saying they were returning to their birth mom, but thought it was a great idea we wanted Sherry and referred us to a home study agency.
The home study was a strange struggle, including failing our fire inspection for a lack of 36" passages between boxes in our uninhabited storage attic, carefully transcribed appointment times frequently being gotten wrong, and our child abuse registry check taking about 4 months when we were told it would be quick. It got so bad that we actually had to change agencies before our home study was completely done, as the agency went down in a ball of flames (state audits and closure for ethics issues!). Many other clients lost money and home studies, so we were fortunate to have seen the writing on the wall there. Sherry started having visits with us, which were also a disaster. At school, she had been friendly and loving, drawing me pictures and even wanting to call me mom. Out with hubby and I she was angry, resentful, silent and belligerent. At one point, after dropping her off, my hubby heart-brokenly exclaimed that he couldn't believe that he couldn't live up to her dead father (a terrifying story I won't repeat out of respect for privacy).
Long story short... all this came to a head with Sherry refusing to come for a visit on a holiday weekend (which we discovered she'd spent drinking and taking drugs), after which she emailed us and said she didn't want to be adopted and never had. Our world was completely shattered, as we'd gotten very attached to her. (***On an side note: this absolute train-wreck did lead to the discovery of our daughter, which was an amazing blessing- we wouldn't trade her for the world, and might not otherwise have her, as we found her the night of Sherry's crushing rejection email). We've never been able to conceive, but this felt as awful as the death of a child, only worse, because there was no better place she'd gone- she was still knocking around in the public system making a progressively worse mess of herself. Over the next few months, she waffled back and forth telling us she did and didn't want adopted. I beat myself up for months (and still sometimes do) for being like Sarah- Abraham's wife. Instead of waiting on God's timing, I had tried to push things forward because I couldn't wait to bring children into our family. Rather than receiving the promised blessing, I felt I too had created an Ishmael.
However, Sherry didn't stop contacting us. She's continued to email and text us since that time. Heart-rending though it is, we felt we should stay in contact to offer her a positive influence in her life, even as all our friends and some family reminded us how "lucky" we were that things didn't work out and how we'd "dodged a bullet" (Sherry continued to have delinquent-type problems). She has continued to be in our prayers. A few months ago, Sherry revealed that she was pregnant. She was living in a flophouse-caliber apartment (as revealed by photos she'd sent) with a rather questionable boy (again, identifying problems kept private). She'd been texting me on his phone to stay in touch. Last time I tried to text her, I received his reply that he "don't see her no more" and he had no idea how else she could be contacted. I am disappointed, as I had at least wanted to help her find a few items for her baby and visit them in the hospital when he is born. I've tried every way I've had to contact her... nothing. She is now very pregnant with no job, no money, no high school diploma, no father for the baby, and possibly no home. She is now lost to all but God, and my heart breaks over this child once again. I ask that you pray for Sherry, and especially her baby, who seems to be embarking on life at least as hard as his mother's before even being born. I don't know what else to do.
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