When you hear the rumble...

Hokusai, From 36 Views of Mt. Fuji (Hokusai is a Japanese woodcut artist- not Chinese- but a great artist)

We started working on another piece of our adoption journey puzzle this evening.  I will wait on the details until we know for sure how things will work out.  However, dear hubby and I have both been hearing the voice of God in our lives.  We are also realizing we are hearing the distant rumbling... of the mountains moving, of the moving of our God who can move the mountains.  I am feeling terribly unworthy and afraid-- much like Moses must have felt when he was allowed to glimpse the glory of God on his own mountain.  Feeling the ground move beneath us, I have to admit that it is easier to hide your head, to embrace complacency than to step out in real faith.  When you hand God something insurmountable and He proceeds to show you how really very small that is in light of His power...wow.  I am overcome with the fear of what this means- has to mean- in my life.  I want to be content being comfortable and small and cynical and full of doubt and all those things it is easy to let ourselves be, even when we call ourselves Christ-followers, on a daily basis.  If He hands me unshakable evidence of His absolute, amazing power something has to change in me.  It's one thing to hear the cool stories of God moving in other people's lives or for it to even give me goosebumps, but it's something altogether different to stand in the palm of God's hand and feel how real His power is.  For those of you kind souls following with us, please pray that we can remember that there is as much amazing love as amazing power being offered to us, that we are following a God that can be trusted with every single detail of our lives, hopes and dreams.  We serve a mighty God whose heart breaks for lonely, powerless children without families.... weakest of the weak, smallest of the small.  WOW.  How very backwards to how our world sees things.   We will definitely share more details as they get more solid! 

Memorial Box Monday (well... Tuesday actually!) and our puzzle

This is my very first ever Memorial Box Monday (I don't even have a box!).  And yes, I do realize it's Tuesday!  Just ask my dear hubby (and my parents)... I am the queen of late, so I guess this works!  I recently started following a blog called "A Place Called Simplicity" (check it out on the right).  Every Monday, Linny does Memorial Box Monday. These are posts about things she will be putting in her Memorial box-- a cabinet that holds trinkets or reminders of when God has shown His faithfulness in your life, often in an amazing way.  My Memorial Box post is actually a giant "thank you" to God and to Linny.  A few days ago, Linny offered those of her blog followers trying to bring home treasured orphan children the chance to link to her blog.  After putting it off for days, and feeling God's prodding the entire time, I finally sat down Sunday, updated and linked to her blog (better yet, I can't figure out this whole link thing now, and it was so easy Sunday!).  To my absolute amazement, the link closed right after I added our link for helping us journey to our son!!!  I fell to my knees in thankfulness to God.  Even more wonderful, since then there have actually been people reading my blog, and one kind soul, A.T. gave us our very first donation toward bringing LXH home!!!  I was so ready to just give up and decide with all the obstacles in our way that it just wasn't meant to be.  Thank you to all of you for your kindness.

Even more of a "yippee Jesus" is that I have felt so wrapped in His love since taking my tentative little step by linking (even with waves of attack still happening).  In the past few days, I keep finding little heart shaped rocks everywhere, and even though I feel silly thinking it, I feel they have been placed there just for me.  So my heart shaped rocks are going into my family's Memorial box.  Now I just have to find a box!

With my new-found hope and inspiration, I have decided to ask for puzzle piece sponsors (this was an idea I saw on someone else's adoption journey blog, but I no longer remember to whom I can credit this idea).  I chose a puzzle with an artistic image of a Chinese family blessing (check out the sidebar).  It's one I hope our son will want to keep and hang in his home as an adult (as a sort of Memorial Box of his own). For $1 per piece, you can join us on our journey to LXH.  We will put your name and state (or country) on the back of each piece you sponsor.  When all the pieces are filled, hubby and I will frame it with glass both front and back so our treasure can enjoy the image of a family and see the love and kindness of the people who helped him to come home.  My daughter (who just got a sewing machine for Christmas!) and I would also like to do a quilt where each patch would represent a $5 donation, so that our little boy can sleep under a blanket of the love of all the amazing people who helped us bring him into a family of his own.  I don't have pictures for the quilt yet, but when I do, I will add it to the sidebar also.  A.T. and her family have their names on 5 puzzle pieces and a quilt patch!  Will you join her?  We are so excited!

The Chinese Family Blessing 1000 piece puzzle.  Only 995 pieces left to fill!

Our Journey To LXH

I really think Satan hates adoption more than almost anything.  When I started this blog back in October, it was really meant to show more progress than this.  Obviously, the fear factor got to me.  Since making that small step, wave after wave of attack has hit our family- issues with health, jobs, our extended families, discouragement.  I was especially discouraged because I had really hoped to reach out to people for help and support in our journey to our son, and I felt like it fizzled.  I couldn't carve out time to write and (probably because of the lack of posts) only 2 dear sweet people even followed my blog.  My first posts failed to convey the passion our family feels for bringing this little boy into our family.  I was ready to give up.  The economy, the number of other people who were trying to fundraise for other things in my local circle...  we let hopelessness hit hard.  Oh me of little faith!

However, God hasn't given up on this special little boy LXH (I don't feel I can give his name as we are not yet officially matched).  HE has been relentless at continuing to prod my heart.  Songs on the radio, sermons at church, an adorable little Asian boy of the exact same age right beside us at a restaurant, constant prodding in my mind and heart.  Dave Ramsey of Financial Peace University jokes about God having the occasional"dumb kid" who just doesn't get the writing on the wall.  I'm pretty sure I'm that kid!

Since October, several things have happened.  First, our little boy was sent back to the shared list from the agency that was allowed to feature him... so if we don't pursue God's leading to this little boy, his chances for a family are slim. Second, God impressed on me the story of Gideon (check out Judges 6-8 for the whole story).  He shows up with about 30,000 troops to battle for Israel, and God tells him that's too many for it to be obvious that it was God's triumph, not Gideon's.  God tells him to send home any who are afraid and 22,000 leave.  God further winnows the number down to 300 men to fight an army of well over 100,000!  Clearly those are God's numbers!  And I've clearly felt God telling me that He reminded me of this small Old Testament story to show me that if He can do this, He can clear my mountains (money for the adoption, another bedroom, qualifying for Ch*na) just as easily.  This story has given me enough hope that we are thinking about Gideon for our son's middle name!

Most importantly, I recently "met" a very special person online (I feel like I know her after reading all of her amazing posts and sharing with her in God's faithfulness in her life).  I met Linny of A Place Called Simplicity.  Linny is an incredible servant of God and has a huge heart for the orphan.  She has offered the opportunity to link to her well followed blog to help families trying to bring home children.  Please check her out!  http://aplacecalledsimplicity.blogspot.com/

Linny asked that if we linked, that we describe who we are bringing home and what our needs are.  My hubby and I are nearly paralyzed by asking for help, so this is hard!  But this little boy is a precious treasure of Jesus, so I am willing to feel a little uncomfortable.  We are trying to bring home LXH.  He just spent his 8th birthday in an orphanage, without a family to celebrate his life.  He is CL/CP.  He is described as being stubborn and bossy (ok, that's why God wants him here!  He'll fit perfectly!!!), intelligent, and it was mentioned (the part that breaks my heart) that he wants a family of his own and his own dog someday (I have raised and trained dogs since I was a kid, so this really touches my heart).  You can see from his pictures, he is clearly a shining soul!  We want him to join our family- a mom and dad, an amazing 12 year old big sister who was adopted domestically 3 years ago (and who faithfully prays every night for God to bring her little brother home... she has a lot more faith than we adults), and four kid loving dogs who have already shown their skills in helping an older child bond with a new loving family.  Having recently seen the quote that "when you don't know what to do, take the first small step",  we have applied for passports, started the child abuse checks (4-5 months backlogged in our state), and are talking with an adoption agency we want to use this time.  Since the last adoption was domestic, we are starting over from scratch.  From here, we need to start coming up with funds.

Would you please help us? 

1)  More than anything, please join us in prayer:  that God would hold back the attacks that keep discouraging us and that He would miraculously move our mountains.  Also, my state is attacking my teacher's salary.  We probably won't qualify financially if my salary goes down.

2)  We need a second bedroom since this is a boy.  We have an attic that can be converted easily, but we currently lack the time and funds.

3)  We have some savings, but certainly nowhere near the upfront amount needed.  If you feel moved to help us financially, we will be eternally grateful, and the results will be eternal!

4)  Please follow and keep checking back on our blog.  I am an artist (and art teacher) and I've really been feeling that God is telling me I need to use my art talent to help bring our son home.  I would like to offer small ceramic dogs (original sculptures) to those willing to donate $50 or more, and offer other original pieces of art in fundraising giveaways. If you have other great ideas, feel free to include them in the comments!  I'll include a photo of one of my sculptures and maybe you can let me know if the idea of receiving a small piece of art for a certain donation amount is worth it or not!  I liked the dog idea since we love dogs and our little boy wants a dog of his own.  God's changed many things in my life using dogs!!!

Colt and Banshee are ready for a new "brother"

A piece of my artwork... would you be willing to donate to receive an original clay sculpture?

Thank you all so much for supporting us in this adventure!!!
A HUGE thank you to Linny for this opportunity!

Are looks really everything?

Sometimes our looks obsessed culture (and apparently it's a worldwide thing) really bothers me.  I think it's started to bother me even more, now that I have a strong desire to adopt a little boy with what is considered a "facial imperfection"- scars from cleft lip and palate.  All I can see when I look at his picture is an absolutely adorable little boy, and one who wants his own doggie to boot!  I don't want my children to be judged by their physical beauty.  I want them judged by their hearts, their beliefs, their willingness to serve God and their fellow humans, their ability to be the kind of people who make a difference in the world.

Someone very dear to me is suffering from a mental illness that seems to include hallucinations of the deterioration of her own face and those of her children.  Her constant focus is on the idea that they are all ruined because in her vision their faces are imperfect, not pretty.  Yes, I know, it doesn't say much for me, arguing with someone who isn't going to "get" the argument (what can I say, I'm a sucker for lost causes).  My dear hubby who's not very politically correct phrases it more like, "Why are you trying to argue with a crazy person?"  However, my conversations with her really dig into my consciousness later.  I really believe there must have been a seed of this feeling about physical beauty planted in her mind before she began her struggle to have this coming through so strongly now.

Of course one only has to turn on the television or flip through a magazine (children's magazines included) to see the human fixation on perfection.  The rest of the world probably already knew about Susan Boyle, the Scottish singer.  I do live under a rock (!) and she just came into my circle of knowledge recently.  I was sad to watch her audition video, because it was easy to read in all the faces present (especially the Britain's Got Talent judges) that no one believed this woman they all considered unattractive could possibly have been blessed with a beautiful voice.  When she started to sing, you could see Simon Cowell's eyebrows nearly join his hairline!  Another "phenomena" I recently noticed is a Taiwanese boy named Lin Yu Chun.  He's been mentioned on the Internet with uncomplimentary names like "Little Fatty".  Many have focused on his uni-brow.  Inside this package the world finds unlikely (or unseemly) also resides the voice of an angel.  Why do we believe that if you're not lucky enough to be wrapped in a fabulous package that you are less of a gift to the world?  Can God only bestow talent and value upon those He has also given great beauty?  Are the many "less than perfect" children awaiting homes around the world not valuable enough to be given a loving home? 

I thank God that He sees things differently than we do.  He made sure we knew it too... 1 Samuel 16:7 reminds us that "Man looks at the outward appearance but God looks at the heart."  I pray that my darling daughter and my "hopeful son," waiting in China to come home, grow to be people with beautiful hearts.  I pray for our world that someday, someone like Susan Boyle is not considered an astounding oddity. 

Who in your life doesn't "look" like there's anything there?  Are you brave enough to take a chance on the diamonds that may lie within?  Do you dare to look below the surface?

What would I do if I wasn't afraid?

I'm always amazed by the stories in the Bible where God talks directly to people.  How cool would it be to have a Divine directive given to you straight from the mouth of God?  Usually, it seems much more subtle than that in my life, and I constantly question whether I'm really hearing God's voice or just the voices in my head (OK, I'm an artist and a teacher- the voices are there!!! lol).  Dear hubby and I tend to be cautious sorts, so we are both frequently inclined to disregard said voices in our heads.  Sometimes, that's probably a good thing!

Maybe subtle is not always effective, and I think God has decided that this week.  DH and I attended Dave Ramsey's FPU training, and have for ages chuckled over his question: "Did you ever have so many kids you got a dumb one?"  We laugh, because educated and intelligent though we may think we are, we also can humor ourselves enough to believe this has got to be what God thinks of us some days.  We can be obtuse. (And self-centered, and too busy to listen to Him, and several other negative qualities I won't bore you with!)

Two months ago, I stumbled upon a picture of a little boy... the little boy above (we'll call him Michael for privacy's sake).  Michael is 7 years old.  He was born in China with a cleft palate and lip, which have had at least basic surgery.  The American agency who is advocating for him was actually able to go and visit him.  They describe him as energetic and talkative.  He wants to fly in a plane to America, and have a mom and dad, siblings and a dog of his own someday.  I have to admit to having broken down sobbing when I saw his picture.  And his wanting a dog of his own?  A giant hook in my heart!  We have a houseful of rescued dogs who would just adore having another kid to love on them- as I write they and my 12 year old daughter ('born" to us 2 1/2 years ago from the foster system) are currently busy wrecking my house!  The more the merrier.  This boy shines.  He has haunted my dreams and many waking moments for weeks.

So what's the issue?  God has clearly shown me an orphan that needs cared for, and our family totally has the desire to offer him a home with us.  The issue is one that feels insurmountable... the likely total of $30,000 that will have to be paid to make this dream come true.  The monetary requirements of day-to-day child-rearing are within our grasp... my husband and I have both been blessed with jobs that meet the daily needs of our family.  However, we've never had a spare $30K laying around.  That's a teacher's salary for a year!  Oh... wait... I am a teacher!  And we do have the issue of the need for another bedroom prior to a home study.  Although our currently 2 bedroom home has a generous attic that would easily become a bedroom, DH continues to inform me that we seem to be missing the time, cash, and manpower to install studs and drywall.  He's also presented me the reminder that he feels our daughter and I already exceed the capacity of our single bathroom! And, we don't have passports, and this litany extends...

This week, I've actually started hearing God asking me a question... What would you do if you weren't afraid?  He pounded home the brevity of our lives and how much we humans cannot number our own days.  I teach in a small district featuring only 2 art teachers total:  me at the elementary level, and a colleague and friend who teaches grades 8-12.  Earlier in the week, this relatively young woman (nearly 46) sat down (to nap?) while waiting for a meatloaf to cook for dinner and never woke up.  Wow.  Enough of a shock to remind an occasionally stupid child of God about the verse in Luke where Jesus asks, "Who of you by worrying can add a single moment to your life?"  The following morning, when I got in my car the message came at me again.  Whenever I turn the ignition, the radio usually offers me the middle of a DJ conversation or song, never the beginning.  And I've never heard the station use this particular voice-over before, but when the radio came on, it powerfully declared, "REMINDER:  FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO HAVE FORGOTTEN, GOD IS STILL IN CONTROL!"  Well, when you put it that way...  I also have to change stations in mid-drive on my way to work.  When I switched,  the KLOVE station DJ immediately asked "What would you do if you weren't afraid?"  She then followed up her question with stories about people who weren't afraid to die but were definitely afraid to Live.

As though to drive the point home, that evening I opened my email to an Amazon ad encouraging me to check out the book One Red Paperclip.  Odd that they would select this for a self-proclaimed reader of classic novels, mystery/ thrillers, and dog books; and I was intrigued enough to check it out (look, marketing worked on me!).  It turns out to be a book by a young, hip, and very unemployed guy who decides to change his life by trying to trade his way up from the red paperclip holding his resume together to a house for him and his girlfriend.  Darned if he didn't succeed, and manage to sell a book about it in the process.  In skimming the online preview, his adventure was started by a question his father asked him... you guessed it-  "What would you do if you weren't afraid?"  OK, God, not even I am that obtuse.

So here I stand.  My "journey of a thousand miles" begins with a jump off a cliff!  I am a normally reserved person.  I flunked every fundraiser in school, and I've always been nervous about sharing my thoughts in front of people.  Welcome to my public blog, where I'm going to share my thoughts about (hopefully) our future adoption and beg total strangers to help us ransom the life of a child.  A blog I stumbled upon has that very apt description for the high costs of adoption, which I really resent.  Kate Parker asks, "how much would you be willing to pay for the life of a child?"  When put that way, it puts things into perspective.  She puts into words many things I have felt but couldn't speak.  I can't quote her as eloquently as she wrote it herself, so I will encourage you to check out her post:

Room for More- "You Wanted To" about fundraising and adoption

What would I do?  I would offer this little boy a family:  a mom, a dad, a sister, and 4 big goofy dogs of his own.  You wanna help?  (BTW, I'm still afraid.  I guess I'll have to remember that Peter freaked out in the middle of walking on water.  I'm nowhere near an Apostle Peter.)