Almost

A while ago, I posted about our "almost daughter", Sherry, asking for your prayers for her.  I have an update... she had her baby, a son named Owen Lee.  Although I must admit to not having been ready to be a grandma and not yet 40 years old, my heart breaks for this little guy.  He's been born into such an unstable situation, and to a mama with a very weak support system.  Kids are a challenging blessing (!) when you have enough money and a good support system and there's neither for this little fellow.  Unfortunately, there isn't much that our family can offer, due to the dangers inherent in Sherry's chosen life (my hubby is very afraid of endangering our daughter).  We just found out from Sherry that her older sister, who she lives with, just had her baby (about a year old?) taken by CPS, so the home situation will be difficult for this precious little one.  Since there's so little we are able to do, I would like to beg of you the one thing we can do: PRAY!  Pray that Sherry will be a better parent than what she's seen and that she will love this little boy and protect him.  If you happen to know anyone who has baby clothes, etc. they'd like to get rid of, email me!  I do have her address and I think I can mail her care packages (not yet sure if she will get them in the neighborhood she's living in- awfully rough). 

Welcome to the world, little Owen, my "almost" grandson.  May God guard your life.

Seen and Heard at our House

I don't ever remember life being nearly so funny before our daughter joined our lives!  Hardly a day goes by that she doesn't manage to say something entertaining!  I think it's even funnier because testing has concluded that this girl has something like a 125 IQ.  Bless her teacher this year- Kitty has mentioned on several occasions that Mrs.WP has told her it is painful to listen to Kitty use the English language-- that poor woman!  We joke that it won't be much of a trauma for us to adopt a son that doesn't speak English because we already have a daughter who we're pretty sure is using English as a second language (yes, she was born speaking English- it doesn't matter!)

NOT IN SPELLING!
Seen in a recent "thank you" email Kitty asked me to check before she sent it:

"My school year has been going great.  I have all A's with one B this year.  But for this last 9 weeks I hope to get all A's.  I am in TAG (talented and gifted) classes.  That means I am in edvancede (sic) classes in school."


MAYBE THEY SHOULDN'T LET HER GRADUATE
Kitty informed us today that she was having a 'congratulation' party with the 6th grade band later in the week.  This almost made sense (she manages to "almost" make sense a lot!) till she informed us that it was because the 6th graders were 'congratulating' to the middle school and the marching band for next year, and that we could also take her home early after her 6th grade 'congratulation' ceremony!  She was very excited that she gets to 'congratulate' from 6th grade!

OF COURSE!
I am closing down my classrooms this week, and one of the first things I bring home are the indoor plants.  Since we are hitting 100 degree temps today, I had Kitty come out and help me water all of them when I got them home to summer on the front porch.  As we were watering, a bee had flown in and was checking things out.  Since our dream is to have rural property and raise honey bees we both looked to see what kind of bee it was.  Kitty was suitably impressed when I identified it for her as being a honey bee.  She was then asking how I could tell, and what wasps and yellow jackets looked like compared to a honey bee.  She also mentioned that she knew what bumble bees looked like, but wanted to know what the difference was between honey bees and bumble bees.  I simply told her that honey bees make honey.  She then connected it all up to leap to a brilliant conclusion:  "So honey bees make honey, and bumble bee make bumble, right?"
Huh? 

Failure

Apologies for the spottiness of my posts- end of school year is always a crazy time for me as I wrap up my year and prepare for the different tasks of summer... hopefully this year it will be full of preparations for God to work in bringing home our little boy.  I truly lack patience (just ask my family and friends how I read the end of novels while I'm still in the middle!) and I am not always good at waiting on God's plan.  I feel really desperate as I have checked the blog of the agency that listed our little boy and he is one of only 7 out of 30 children in his orphanage that were featured who have not already gone home (including others older and with more involved special needs).  How horrible and rejected he must feel.  But I have learned to wait on God's timing, and today's post will show why.  It's also an urgent prayer request for a lost soul.

My hubby and I started into our adoption journey about 6 years ago.  We had always thought we would adopt, but we got serious then.  My heart broke looking at pictures and profiles of kids online (I'll write a post about that another time).  Starting the 2006 school year, it seemed like a way to circumvent all the waiting and choosing of children offered itself.  A cute little 7th grade girl I'll call "Sherry" moved into the district.  I discovered she was in foster care.  It seemed like a perfect solution... we would just adopt my student.

Sometimes I have trouble distinguishing between doors being closed and obstacles that I should push through.  In hindsight, it seems that I was encountering closed doors.  I checked Sherry's files and contacted the agency that was currently handling her.  They were really horrible to me when I stopped in... yelled at me about how her current foster placement was just fine, when my inquiries were about how to adopt her (they have since been closed, and I am trying not to be too happy about that- they didn't seem like children's best interests were the heart of their business).  Sherry did give me the name of her county social worker and I contacted her.  The SW detailed how the birth family had fought the adoption of one brother and how the rest of the older daughters had resisted adoption, saying they were returning to their birth mom, but thought it was a great idea we wanted Sherry and referred us to a home study agency. 

The home study was a strange struggle, including failing our fire inspection for a lack of 36" passages between boxes in our uninhabited storage attic, carefully transcribed appointment times frequently being gotten wrong, and our child abuse registry check taking about 4 months when we were told it would be quick.  It got so bad that we actually had to change agencies before our home study was completely done, as the agency went down in a ball of flames (state audits and closure for ethics issues!).  Many other clients lost money and home studies, so we were fortunate to have seen the writing on the wall there.  Sherry started having visits with us, which were also a disaster.  At school, she had been friendly and loving, drawing me pictures and even wanting to call me mom.  Out with hubby and I she was angry, resentful, silent and belligerent.  At one point, after dropping her off, my hubby heart-brokenly exclaimed that he couldn't believe that he couldn't live up to her dead father (a terrifying story I won't repeat out of respect for privacy).

Long story short... all this came to a head with Sherry refusing to come for a visit on a holiday weekend (which we discovered she'd spent drinking and taking drugs), after which she emailed us and said she didn't want to be adopted and never had.  Our world was completely shattered, as we'd gotten very attached to her.  (***On an side note:   this absolute train-wreck did lead to the discovery of our daughter, which was an amazing blessing- we wouldn't trade her for the world, and might not otherwise have her, as we found her the night of Sherry's crushing rejection email).  We've never been able to conceive, but this felt as awful as the death of a child, only worse, because there was no better place she'd gone- she was still knocking around in the public system making a progressively worse mess of herself.  Over the next few months, she waffled back and forth telling us she did and didn't want adopted.  I beat myself up for months (and still sometimes do) for being like Sarah- Abraham's wife.  Instead of waiting on God's timing, I had tried to push things forward because I couldn't wait to bring children into our family.  Rather than receiving the promised blessing, I felt I too had created an Ishmael.

However, Sherry didn't stop contacting us.  She's continued to email and text us since that time.  Heart-rending though it is, we felt we should stay in contact to offer her a positive influence in her life, even as all our friends and some family reminded us how "lucky" we were that things didn't work out and how we'd "dodged a bullet" (Sherry continued to have delinquent-type problems).  She has continued to be in our prayers.  A few months ago, Sherry revealed that she was pregnant.  She was living in a flophouse-caliber apartment (as revealed by photos she'd sent) with a rather questionable boy (again, identifying problems kept private).  She'd been texting me on his phone to stay in touch.  Last time I tried to text her, I received his reply that he "don't see her no more" and he had no idea how else she could be contacted.  I am disappointed, as I had at least wanted to help her find a few items for her baby and visit them in the hospital when he is born.  I've tried every way I've had to contact her... nothing.  She is now very pregnant with no job, no money, no high school diploma, no father for the baby, and possibly no home.  She is now lost to all but God, and my heart breaks over this child once again.  I ask that you pray for Sherry, and especially her baby, who seems to be embarking on life at least as hard as his mother's before even being born.  I don't know what else to do.

A Miracle for Orphans!

Asia's Hope Website

I always worry that I cannot do enough to help fix things in the world all by myself.  Although I love the "starfish" story that many adoptive parents pass around, and I truly want to help the ones who need it, human or animal, right in front of me, I feel guilty that I can't save the world!  But our family got to see the power of joining together this weekend at our church... and what an amazing thing can happen.

Our church partners with Asia's Hope, an organization that helps provide permanent orphanages for children at risk of exploitation.  Last Sunday there was a special collection taken for building a new orphanage building for 24 children who were housed in a rental facility.  Our church was offered a matching grant for $50,000 if the congregation could raise the same amount.  Lots of special things were done, including a silent auction of original art pieces made my church members (which were really cool!).  This Sunday, the pastor let us know how the collection went.  Instead of meeting the $50K goal... WE BLEW IT AWAY!!!!  The church collected almost $400,000 for orphan homes in Cambodia.  Instead of one home, now 4 can be build to take more precious treasures off the streets and provide them with a home, safety and education!

OUR GOD IS AN AWESOME GOD!  AND HIS HEART IS FOR THE ORPHAN!

Amazing Power

University of Missouri Storm Chasing Team

Yet another storm front is moving through our area (time for that ark yet?!) and it got me to thinking today.  I absolutely love displays of the power of nature.  To me, they are displays of the power of God.  I love watching and feeling strong winds whipping through, tossing the trees.  Storms with lightning and thunder are absolutely magical.  Every time I have been in the ocean, I have stood in awe and amazement, feeling (in a good way) just how small and mortal I really am.  It brings to life that line in the old hymn: "On Christ the solid rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand".  These little displays of God's awesome power thrill me.  

However... God dropped this little thought in my head while I was standing outside reveling in the furious wind... show too much power and it scares me.  Wind... storms... bring it on!  Tornadoes... terrify me.  My parents used to watch shows on TV about tornadoes when I was little and I wouldn't sleep for days following.  Didn't matter that it was a bright sunny sky out (yeah- sunny.  I think my mom sent us to bed at like 8 p.m. in the summer!).  Tsunamis- the ultimate end of those powerful waves- wouldn't want to be anywhere near one.  I treat God the same way.

We are starting to see the power that God really possesses as we walk further along our adoption journey.  I had mentioned this earlier.  Now that our taxes are actually done and sent (although the refund hasn't been sent yet, so I'm still a little nervous to mention), God is offering us a pretty major step forward by way of the IRS.  We received the remainder of the adoption credit this year for our daughter's adoption, which we probably would have needed 1-2 more years to finish under the previous tax arrangements.  Instead, the leftover amount is all coming now.  The amount we are receiving is going to be enough to pay off our remaining debts minus our home mortgage!  What a miracle!  This will free up money monthly to start saving and paying for our son's adoption.

Now don't get me wrong... the IRS isn't sending us megabucks!  But, we have spent the past 5 years working hard on getting better with our finances so that God was better able to use us.  Dear hubby and I were financial morons when we got married!  5 years ago, we were introduced to Dave Ramsey and his Financial Peace University.  Check it out:

Financial Peace University

It is definitely not easy, and it takes a while to actually gain financial ground (a crock pot, not a microwave, as he puts it) but it is sooooooo worth it.  You may have heard the same type of advice before, but Dave Ramsey actually makes it seem doable and maybe even a little fun.  Hubby says he best likes how Ramsey encourages you to be excited about freeing yourself from your debtors ("What creditor are you gonna really enjoy saying 'Ha- never have to deal with you again!' to?")  His debt snowball plan really has worked in our lives.  It seemed like a really slow process, but we also adopted a kid in the middle of it!

So here is God, offering me a big step forward, and I have to admit, I'm scared!  If God really starts to show me His power, I have NO excuses for my fears, doubts, whining, lack of effort on the part of His Kingdom or any of the other failings I am so comfortable in.  If He can move mountains to bring my son home, when I can't do it myself, I have no other option than to stand up and shout to the world what an amazing God I serve!  It means that I need to be for Him like those crazy storm chasers are for weather-- leaping right into the thick of it and celebrating His power and His glory.  Wow!

Passover

My hubby and I are both major history and culture buffs.  A few years ago, our church had done a bit of a Passover experience led by a young man in the leadership whose family had been non-practising Jews (he had later become a follower of Jesus).  We found it to be a pretty awesome addition to our family's celebration of Easter- a real pull into the reality of Jesus' life.  We discovered that in our town there is a Messianic Jewish congregation, and they are kind enough to open their Passover Seder to people who are not members of their congregation (not just that- they really welcomed us with open arms).  What an INCREDIBLE celebration!  Dear hubby was born and raised Lutheran, and I grew up in a conservative church of Anabaptist descent.  We currently attend a non-denominational church planted by Baptists.  We have good worship music in service, but it's really rather quiet compared to the incredible Davidic dance and blowing of real animal horn horns!  Makes you wonder what it was like to be there when Joshua had his troops blowing their horns around the city of Jericho!

We had a really amazing picture of what our wedding feast in heaven will be like!  At our table was seated a delightful former Mennonite family...now there's a group that should have been overwhelmed by dancing and horns- many parts of our state are heavily Amish and Mennonite, and my grandfather left the Amish faith, so I know how conservative they are!  We also had my dear hubby, who is the grandchild of Germans who left their country following World War II (and his grandmother would never speak of her opinion of the "unpleasantness" of that era), my daughter with her Choctaw tribal registration, my little Scotch-Irish self, and a kind gentleman born and raised in a Jewish synagogue and a very helpful CPA.  What an amazing combination!  The room itself was filled with people of all colors and cultures.  What an amazing preview of when Jesus gathers his children-- really "red and yellow black and white... [all] precious in His sight" to celebrate Him together!

Because dear hubby and I have seen a number of different "flavors" of Christian belief, I feel that we can honestly proclaim it's not the "custom or culture" of belief but that your heart is following Jesus and has accepted His forgiveness and gift of sacrifice.  I was so blown away by the excitement and enthusiasm of these Messianic believers!   I also really felt God speaking to me this evening... that we should raise our son like this... seeing that true believers are believers regardless of culture or style or color or type of music or service or any of the little things that we very human Christians sometimes let come between us.  I have worried so much about all the "hostile adoptee" blogs I have seen on the Internet, because God has chosen to relieve my bareness through the gift of adoption.  We try to offer our daughter (and all we are given the privilege of parenting in addition to her) not only her culture but as much culture and history of the world around her as we can.  I worry about the accusations made against white parents raising Asian children.  But I also really felt God tonight, showing me that He loves all His children in their wondrous variety, and that what matters is the joy of family, and adoption into His family.  What a wondrous family it is!  (And if you have the opportunity to try something like taking your family to a Passover Seder- it's such a cool way to celebrate part of the story of Jesus' sacrifice and Resurrection!)

When you hear the rumble...

Hokusai, From 36 Views of Mt. Fuji (Hokusai is a Japanese woodcut artist- not Chinese- but a great artist)

We started working on another piece of our adoption journey puzzle this evening.  I will wait on the details until we know for sure how things will work out.  However, dear hubby and I have both been hearing the voice of God in our lives.  We are also realizing we are hearing the distant rumbling... of the mountains moving, of the moving of our God who can move the mountains.  I am feeling terribly unworthy and afraid-- much like Moses must have felt when he was allowed to glimpse the glory of God on his own mountain.  Feeling the ground move beneath us, I have to admit that it is easier to hide your head, to embrace complacency than to step out in real faith.  When you hand God something insurmountable and He proceeds to show you how really very small that is in light of His power...wow.  I am overcome with the fear of what this means- has to mean- in my life.  I want to be content being comfortable and small and cynical and full of doubt and all those things it is easy to let ourselves be, even when we call ourselves Christ-followers, on a daily basis.  If He hands me unshakable evidence of His absolute, amazing power something has to change in me.  It's one thing to hear the cool stories of God moving in other people's lives or for it to even give me goosebumps, but it's something altogether different to stand in the palm of God's hand and feel how real His power is.  For those of you kind souls following with us, please pray that we can remember that there is as much amazing love as amazing power being offered to us, that we are following a God that can be trusted with every single detail of our lives, hopes and dreams.  We serve a mighty God whose heart breaks for lonely, powerless children without families.... weakest of the weak, smallest of the small.  WOW.  How very backwards to how our world sees things.   We will definitely share more details as they get more solid! 

Memorial Box Monday (well... Tuesday actually!) and our puzzle

This is my very first ever Memorial Box Monday (I don't even have a box!).  And yes, I do realize it's Tuesday!  Just ask my dear hubby (and my parents)... I am the queen of late, so I guess this works!  I recently started following a blog called "A Place Called Simplicity" (check it out on the right).  Every Monday, Linny does Memorial Box Monday. These are posts about things she will be putting in her Memorial box-- a cabinet that holds trinkets or reminders of when God has shown His faithfulness in your life, often in an amazing way.  My Memorial Box post is actually a giant "thank you" to God and to Linny.  A few days ago, Linny offered those of her blog followers trying to bring home treasured orphan children the chance to link to her blog.  After putting it off for days, and feeling God's prodding the entire time, I finally sat down Sunday, updated and linked to her blog (better yet, I can't figure out this whole link thing now, and it was so easy Sunday!).  To my absolute amazement, the link closed right after I added our link for helping us journey to our son!!!  I fell to my knees in thankfulness to God.  Even more wonderful, since then there have actually been people reading my blog, and one kind soul, A.T. gave us our very first donation toward bringing LXH home!!!  I was so ready to just give up and decide with all the obstacles in our way that it just wasn't meant to be.  Thank you to all of you for your kindness.

Even more of a "yippee Jesus" is that I have felt so wrapped in His love since taking my tentative little step by linking (even with waves of attack still happening).  In the past few days, I keep finding little heart shaped rocks everywhere, and even though I feel silly thinking it, I feel they have been placed there just for me.  So my heart shaped rocks are going into my family's Memorial box.  Now I just have to find a box!

With my new-found hope and inspiration, I have decided to ask for puzzle piece sponsors (this was an idea I saw on someone else's adoption journey blog, but I no longer remember to whom I can credit this idea).  I chose a puzzle with an artistic image of a Chinese family blessing (check out the sidebar).  It's one I hope our son will want to keep and hang in his home as an adult (as a sort of Memorial Box of his own). For $1 per piece, you can join us on our journey to LXH.  We will put your name and state (or country) on the back of each piece you sponsor.  When all the pieces are filled, hubby and I will frame it with glass both front and back so our treasure can enjoy the image of a family and see the love and kindness of the people who helped him to come home.  My daughter (who just got a sewing machine for Christmas!) and I would also like to do a quilt where each patch would represent a $5 donation, so that our little boy can sleep under a blanket of the love of all the amazing people who helped us bring him into a family of his own.  I don't have pictures for the quilt yet, but when I do, I will add it to the sidebar also.  A.T. and her family have their names on 5 puzzle pieces and a quilt patch!  Will you join her?  We are so excited!

The Chinese Family Blessing 1000 piece puzzle.  Only 995 pieces left to fill!